It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

After 9 months of living in a nursing home and hospice care, my grandma, decided to finally get some rest yesterday afternoon and went to join my sweet grandpa in heaven.  She has been sick for quite some time with emphysema and colon cancer, but stuck it out much longer than I think any of us ever anticipated she would.  I'm sad to lose my grandma, but I know that she's in a better place now and can finally relax, which she hasn't been able to do in awhile.

I am sad to see the pain and grief that my dad is going through.  Nothing hurts more than losing a loved one and seeing those you love hurt. It breaks your heart. It makes you question everything. It makes you want to live life to the fullest each and every day. And it makes you want to hug those ones you love so dear even tighter.

My dad has now lost both of his parents. It breaks my heart. I know how much both of my parents mean to me and the thought of losing either of them someday, let alone both of them, makes me cry instantly. Other than my daughter and husband, they are my life. I can't even begin to describe my love for them. Hopefully those days are way far off, but dealing with death is making me question and think really in depth about life. And to be honest-it freaks me out.  I just took Kayleigh to the nursing home to see my grandma about 4 weeks ago. It's hard to believe how things can change so quickly in 4 weeks.  I am so grateful that I got to see her one last time, while she was feeling well, and so that she could see Kayleigh one last time since she's gotten older.  I know it's not something that Kayleigh will remember, but it's definitely one of those moments that I will think back on and say to myself "Man-I'm glad I took the time out of that day to go see her".

However, my fear is that the drama is just beginning. Relationships on my dad's side of the family definitely are far from ideal as far as his sisters go. Phone calls and comments have already been made that make my blood boil. I just hope and pray that my dad can be strong and hold his head high these next three days as we go through this difficult time and maintain the same restraint, pride, and maturity that he has had his whole life with his family. He truly is a class act and has always been the better person. I know that no matter what happens he will make the right decisions and do the right thing. I just hope for once his sisters can do the same.  It is, after all, a time for grieving, not for fighting.

Rest in peace Grandma. I love you!